Break My Heart
by darkk.razberii
Summary: He doesn't know and maybe he never will know, but I'm going to take what I can get. I'm going to use him like he's using me. NaruHina, mentions of NaruSaku, OOC, AU


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and do not make profit from this work. **

**Warnings: AU, OOC**

**Hello readers! If you're a usual reader of mine, this is a bit far from what I usually write, but I hope you enjoy. This is actually based off my own experiences. Also, if you happen to have a FictionPress account also, I warn you that THIS STORY IS THERE IN IT'S ORIGINAL FORM AND IT IS MINE UNDER THE NAME .AILANI! So if you have ever seen or ever do see, it is MINE already. Just a warning! Read on!**

**BREAK MY HEART**

* * *

_Am I allowed to do this?_ I wonder. The movie I was watching has been forgotten. All I can think about is him. My eyes wander down and trace the pattern of his shorts up his leg then change course and wander up his forearm. His hand rests gently on the pillow I'm using to cover my leg. My heart is pounding so hard it feels as if every organ in my torso is pulsing with it. His chest is so firm behind me and I can feel his heart beating rapidly, too.

He shifts and I stiffen, wondering if he's going to release me, wondering if this will be the end of our short cuddling session. My heart jumps and races faster when he winds his arm around my stomach, holding me closer to himself. Giddy, I rest my hand on his arm and gently run my fingers up and down. His fingers clench on my side briefly and he exhales long and slow near my ear. _What movie was this again?_

We sit in silence for a few minutes, me with my fingers still tracing his arm and him still holding me around the waist. He does it again; he shifts. This time he wraps his other arm around me, too, and squeezes me tight. I can't breathe—in a good way. I feel him rest his head against mine as my fingers play with his. His hands are big and slightly rough, mine are so smooth against them. He seems to like what I'm doing, if his fingers playing along with mine are any indication.

After a while of that he moves his arms and turns his hands up to capture mine. We lace our fingers together and he runs his thumbs over mine. The movie is almost over; I have enough sense to know that. I don't want it to end. I don't want this to end. I've waited so long for him… so long.

My entire body begins to buzz when I feel his hot breath on my shoulder. His mouth presses into the fabric of my shirt and he just breathes slowly. My breathing quickens. He unlaces our hands and encircles me in his arms again. The way he hugs me so tightly makes me think that maybe, just maybe this could work.

The movie ends.

We disentangle ourselves and I reach down to stop the movie from playing the credits. He's already on his feet and moving toward the door. I hesitate at the DVD player, wondering what to do. The lock clicks and the door opens. He appears again, walking toward me.

"I've gotta go. Bye, Hinata."

I smile shakily at him. "Bye…"

He hugs me tight, my head pressed against his chest. He looks at me when we pull away, his eyes showing his nervousness. Quickly, he leans down and kisses my cheek. Then he's gone.

I lock the door behind him and proceed to clean up. My mind and my heart are in overdrive. Why didn't he kiss me? My phone buzzes and I snatch it up.

_Naruto_, the screen reads. My hands are shaking as I flip the phone open and read the text.

_Sorry about that hina. I would've kissed u but idk… it would rly complicate things wouldn't it?_

_Idk naruto. I know I wouldn't regret it. Do u want to kiss me? Rly?_I text back.

_Yes. But Im not looking for anything atm. If I wanted to be in a relationship I would just get back with sakura_

I flinch. Sakura is his ex-girlfriend.

_Ik u don't want anything. im fine with that._

_R u sure?_

I swallow thickly as I type my response._Yes._

* * *

{This is a flashback of sorts}

_He started it you know._

_Naruto and I had this rough patch. Throughout some time in high school we didn't really talk as much as we used to. Sure, I could never deny that Naruto had really grown up and was totally smokin', but he had his own friends and I had… well, I didn't really have anyone._

_We talked on occasion, you know, the random 'hey, how ya doin?' text. Other than that I sat back and watched Naruto live his life. When he started dating Sakura I was kind of surprised. He'd never really dated before and I was just… yeah, surprised. I was a little jealous too, yet at the same time, happy for him—for them._

_There was this other point in time, the summer after we graduated, that Naruto and I didn't talk for months straight. Then he started college and I started college and we just didn't have time for each other anymore. I always looked at his pictures on Facebook though and marveled at how the boy just kept getting hotter and hotter._

_We started talking again toward the end of freshman year and boy was I happy. I missed my Naruto. By that time, he and Sakura had broken up and I was maybe a little hopeful. Maybe._

_There were a few texts from him that are always going to stand out to me. One afternoon we were having a text session talking about summer plans and I asked what his plans were._

_**To chill with you.**_

_**What?**_

_**I want to chill with you all summer**_ _came his reply. I was ecstatic._

_**We can chill anytime, no lie. come over whenever you want :)**_

_**Really?**_

_**Reallllyyy**_

_**Can I see you this weekend?**_

_Talk about jumping for joy! We made plans for that weekend. Plans that he broke at the last minute. Needless to say, I was disappointed. He apologized profusely, saying things came up last minute and that he'd make it up to me._

_Damn straight he'd make it up to me! So I told him as much. Next thing I knew we had plans for the next day, fancy that._

_Later that night as we texted more Naruto told me that he thought I'd really grown up to be a hot girl. I was flattered. Still, doubts from my past lingered._

_**No guys are ever interested in me though**_

_**One guy is and always has been**_

_Yes, I was grinning like a fool, shut up!_ _**Yeah?**_

_**Yeah, but I had something holding me back**_

_**Oh?**_

_**Yeah my ex**_

_Ah the ever infamous ex. I really don't get it now, y'know? If the ex was in the way of him getting to me, then why would he rather get back into a relationship with her instead of starting one with me? Oh Naruto, how you puzzle me!_

_Anyway, the next night Naruto showed up. I was so happy to see him and I swear I nearly died the when he hugged me for the first time in months. We stepped apart and I couldn't help but nearly gasp._

_"When did you get so fricken tall?!" I demanded._

_He just grinned at me and muttered, "I grew."_

_After he had said hi to my father and talked to him a bit we headed downstairs to watch a movie. Watching movies was great with Naruto-commentary. He made the funniest comments on the most serious parts of movies and just made everything better. We had such a good time. I was elated._

_When the movie was over we talked for a few minutes before saying goodbye. I nearly skipped all the way upstairs. Then I got the text. Oh the text text text text TEXT!_

_**Wait! I didn't get my goodnight kiss!**_

_Holy-freakin-what-the-omg!?_

_I went all the way back downstairs for him to find him standing on my porch, smiling and waiting for me to come back. Seriously, I couldn't even pretend to not be smiling as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He moved toward me, but at the last second I turned my head and laughed at my predicament._

_"I'm sick," I said in his ear._

_He chuckled and pressed his lips against my cheek. "Okay." We hugged and he kissed my cheek again then said goodnight for the final time._

_Back inside my house I was… I don't know… I was something—something good. Naruto and I texted again once he got home until he had to go to bed. It was amazing._

And now this. This awkward, confusing, tear-your-hair-out frustrating situation. After running out on me and telling me he would get back with his ex if he wanted a relationship and that stupid text from me about not caring if we didn't have a relationship, Naruto texted me to tell me that he had a good time.

_**I liked u touching me and me holding you**__._

Yeah, Naruto, I liked it too. I really did.

Do you see the problem?

He totally started it.

As I lay in my bed staring into the darkness I can't help but dwell on the night's events. I thought I had him. I thought I could get Naruto.

We've known each other for a long time. A really long time. Naruto and I grew up together and we're eighteen and freshmen in college now. There was always that underlying attraction with us all through junior high and high school, but it kind of intensified recently. Secretly, I always imagined myself with Naruto. I really, honestly, truly believed we could have something good. But he doesn't want me. Right now, Naruto seems to be enjoying his single life, but he also seems to enjoy having someone to be intimate with without having any strings attached.

I know I'm setting myself up to get hurt. I know that, but I can't keep away from him. I want him to hold me and talk to me and laugh with me and tell me I'm worth something. I want Naruto and only him. Somehow I keep tricking myself into thinking that if we're together enough he'll realize I'm good for him. Then reality kicks me and he says he would get back with his ex. What about me?

At some point during the night as I stare at nothing and contemplate everything, I make up my mind. I'm going to make the best of what I have with Naruto. I'm going to use him like he's using me. I'm going to soak up all of his words and laughs and touches. I turn over in bed and close my eyes to prevent tears from falling because I know what I'm going to do to myself.

I'm going to break my own heart.

* * *

**Sorry if I did a bad job editing -_- please let me know if I made it confusing! And be gentle.. I wrote this like three or four years ago haha.**


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